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25 July 2011 @ 12:11 am
 I have a tendency to feel guilty about even though I really shouldn't
  • I can read quite fast
  • I am quite smart
  • People find me attractive
  • I am in a happy relationship that has a future with someone who truly cares about me
  • My parents aren't divorced
  • I was raised in a very loving, well-off home/family
  • I get to see my family pretty regularly
  • I have a great rack
  • I am gainfully employeed
  • And they want to keep me around by promoting me
  • I don't have to worry financially
  • I can spend my money on things that I like/want
that is the short list for now. I am trying to enjoy the good things that I have and not feel guilty that I have them because some of them are things that I can't control, others are due to the fact that I have worked hard. So here is to loving the life you have. I now must sleep because 5:45 comes way earlier than I like
10 May 2011 @ 12:13 am

 So today was Monday of my last finals week. Of course I don't have any sit down finals until Thursday but I did have 3 take homes that I have been working on all week end. Not to stressed about the finals but the fact that all of this is Final. 

I have been in school since kindergarten. With first days, spring break, summer vacation. Now it is all over I graduation on Sunday and then the 'grown up' part begins.  Which is excited but also a bit scary.

Well my parents already think that I am super stressed out about it. I am just getting hit with the reality of it all now. So only time will tell.

17 April 2011 @ 10:19 pm
So I came back to school with a stowaway. My Sis! 
She is going to come to classes with me and learning about my school.

So totally scary that she is looking into colleges already. 
11 April 2011 @ 02:55 am
 I am not a fan of nighttime. Or rather I am not a fan of being alone at night. Not that I think that there is a monster under my bed or in my closet anymore. But rather at night you are so alone that you don't even have your shadow to keep you company. I have gotten used to company, friends or Kyle to talk to until time for sleep has come. But it is that point when I have yet to sleep and know that I am alone that makes it that much harder to go to bed. I sit and wonder and think bad things.  And this will keep me up for hours. Or better yet I try and lose myself in a stupid game that I just play for hours an then it is 4 in the morning and I wonder why I let myself do these things. and still I find myself doing it again and again.
04 April 2011 @ 12:00 am
I remember about 3 years ago, when my grandfather got really sick, my mom told me that we shouldn't say good bye. Rather we should say, 'see you soon'.  And I remember saying that to him every time I saw him, over the summer and when i would comeback, basically every weekend. I was so afraid that I wouldn't get to see him again.  I wanted to say good bye, but I didn't want to say it so early on, but I knew I couldn't put it off. I wasn't able to say a straight good-bye to him, nor my Nana some 3 years before. I was just so scared to lose them. Finally 2 years ago, when my other grandmother was heading down the same path, I made my father hold the phone to her ear, so I could at least say good-bye, tell her how much I loved her and start to face the facts. 

Now I really don't like to say good-byes. Because hopefully people aren't out of my life for forever. i hate watching people leave, when I know that I can't stop them. I hate that feeling right after they leave, when your heart sinks because you are alone, they have gone, even if it is only for a short while you are without. Plus you never know if there will be a car crash or they will have a rare medical attack or something will hurt them and you will be without them forever. 

This is why I like knowing when I will see someone again because then I know they won't be gone for long.
31 March 2011 @ 12:54 am
I should be asleep. Resting my body and my brain for tomorrow. Up early for a field trip and then 6 hours of work afterwards. But I can't. I am so fully awake it is almost sad. I could try to start conversations with people. Or watch a movie or tv. Or just scour the internet for stupid stuff. But everything that I actually want to do, I can't I am too far away to snuggle up right now. I can't go grab my cat and pet her till she falls asleep next to me. I just can't and it sucks. And in like 40 days I will be done with school and back home. Trying to start up my life after college. It is all moving too fast.
24 March 2011 @ 10:38 am
It is only on a day which I took forever to wake up, not to mention woke up with a headache, actually find myself putting on some makeup and picking out jewelry. yay me? Now I have 3 classes back to back. Thankfully no work tonight.
20 March 2011 @ 09:30 pm
So this weekend was fun, Friday with the girls, had a drink or 2, saw a magician, played cards, went dancing(ish). Just relaxing. Then Saturday Kyle rolls up just in time for me to go to work, but talk and try and figure out if we can agree to watch anything and that shifts just rolls by. Sunday, spent the day at AutoCross watching Kyle race and enjoying being outside (just a teeny bit too cold). Then he drops be off for work. And true I don't normally work on Sundays but I thought I needed Thursday off (things got switched) so I am here till midnight. Currently avoiding homework (2 page proposal for a paper)and reading for random internet surfing, mindless activity that will keep me from thinking about how much I miss Kyle, how hungry I am (especially when these kids walk by with food) and how I really don't want to be here right now.
03 March 2011 @ 06:15 pm
 At least my spring break is fully in March this year. This is probably one of few times I have been super homesick right before a break. I miss being home and my family. So I am going to enjoy this break, relax, catch up on reading and homework, visit people.  And for once sleep will not be something I am lacking in going into the start of break.
26 February 2011 @ 01:11 am
 Maybe I have had a bit too much to drink. 
Maybe I feel so far away from people who care
Maybe I feel like no one cares. 

I know i am crying
 I know I am lonely
I know I am alone
 I know I don't like it

Thus I should just go to bed hope it all pass as I rest. Tomorrow will be a better day. It should be. If not, I might just cry again.
Current Mood: sadsad